Day 7: Identify one relationship that is toxic or robbing too much of your time. Scale back your attachment without guilt.
The Blurb: Everyone wants to be happy. Everyone wants to have more good days than bad. One way to get there is to rid yourself of toxic relationships. I’m not talking about walking away from something that just needs a little nourishment to keep it going (don’t up and leave your spouse after reading this or something…) I’m talking about a relationship that has passed over into a drain-all-your-energy quagmire.
Suggestions: Here’s a few tricks to identify if a relationship is toxic:
1) If you don’t feel like you can be your true self around them. If you feel you have to hide parts of your personality from someone, you may want to reassess the relationship, or at least figure out why you feel that way.
2) If they aren’t reciprocating. Relationships need to be mutual beneficial to sustain over time. This is a tricky one because it’s easy to overlook how someone is treating you RIGHT NOW and just remember how things used to be. Are they STILL doing things that let you know they care about you? Would you still choose be their friend/significant other right now if you only looked at the last month’s interactions?
3) Are they discouraging you from growth or change? Surround yourself with people who support your endeavors to become your best self.
4) If the person is verbally unkind. You teach people your limits by what you allow. Be conscious of how people treat you and stand up for yourself.
5) Do you feel like you just can’t win? Your opinions should be explored and valued. You should feel like what you bring to the table is just as important as what they bring.
6) Is this person sucking too much of your time? If you’re not getting out what you’re putting in, you may want to think about how much time you’re devoting to the relationship.
****All this being said, there are certain relationships that are WORTH the extra time investment, especially with family and close friends. People go through things and sometimes we have to be a true friend and stick by them even when it’s hard. This is NOT the kind of relationship I’m addressing here.
Keeping It Real: This can be a tough one. It may be hard to draw a line in sand because you feel obligated to the relationship. You may want to try slowly cutting the amount of time you spend with/on this person. The other part of this challenge is to do it without guilt. You have to have enough self-respect to trust your gut and say when enough is enough. Don’t allow guilt to influence you.
Remember as you’re doing this exercise that it goes both ways. You have to ask the same questions about yourself with regard to your relationships. Are you putting enough time into the people that matter? Are you still treating your friends/significant other/spouse with respect and spending enough time with them? Make sure to take a look in the mirror first.
Photo of the Day:
Hopefully this helps you take stock of your relationships. Surround yourself with people that make you happy! The intention of today’s focus is to be driven less by obligation and more by true friendship.
If you are just joining in on the 30 Days to Love Yourself Project, you can get caught up HERE.
Hope everyone is having a great week! See you tomorrow!